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The Pool's satire page!
MARCH 29TH 2000
Good Old Olu.....
PE is usually very peaceful and unassuming. Yes, PE hates to be construed as a braggart and impostor. PE’s philosophy has been and always will be, modesty, consistency and patience.
This was why PE had never even considered engaging a celebrated drunkard and cocaine sniffer to a dialogue or press slanging. PE thanks good old Olu Richie Awoonor Gordon abundantly for initiating a process that would definitely lead to an exposure which would silence him permanently. PE thinks that Olu, the big mouthed, good-for -nothing and wasted from cocaine human species didn’t think about the repercussion his unguarded attack on PE’s colleague would bring.
PE is amazed that the cocaine sniffing and dope smoking fifi Olu, self-confessed murderer, could sink so low as to fight in public with gentlemen (Pios and Jon) who PE want to personally thank for disciplining the irrascible and haughty imbecile.
PE is not impressed with the false posturing bed-wetting (piss-a-beddy) Olu is selling out. Only gullible and importunate Olu would take offence and attack a piece of literature which, by its headline, implicitly means the author’s personal experience.
PE is convinced that Olu’s impudence and bigotry, if left unchecked would infatuate him further and cloak his ego. PE is prepared to lash Olu more and promises to deflate the literal midget until his overblown self importance is obliterated.
PE would like to assure the loquacious Olu Gordon that he has reached his waterloo and that his lousy character has received PE’s undivided attention. PE thinks it’s sheer lunacy that drove Olu into a neat trap that would cost him very dearly.
Ha, ha, PE knew that the lascivious Gordon would poke his odious mouth on PE’s colleague’s article and, bingo! the cocaine addict and disciple of Bob Marley has fallen into an intractable web. PE detests, most vehemently, Olu Gordon’s objectionable remarks and frowns upon his obnoxious behaviour.
As a matter of fact, PE upholds the inviolability of PE’s colleague’s proposed Novel. But of course PE knows that for all his obduracy, ‘Omolay’ Gordon (ha, ha) would not be stupid enough to invite another bouting match as he still smirks from the last bout with Pios Foray which resulted in a disaster for the farting Olu. What a shame (ha, ha). PE is gearing up to release a salvo of punches on the reddened ‘Omolay’ lips of the incorrigible Gordon that will be far worse than the one Pios Foray gave him.
PE suddenly recalled that the unprincipled Gordon had called a press conference at the Sierra Leone Library Board in January 1997 in which he disclosed that he had resigned from the For Di People newspaper because Paul Kamara had become corrupt and had colluded with Wanza to defraud Sierra Leone of a collosal sum in dollars. PE still sees the resigned fifi (ha,ha) with his tail between his ‘pissing’ legs picking crumbs from Paul’s left overs.
PE sees no difference between fifi the dog and fifi the cocaine Olu as they both vomit and lick their vomit(ha, ha).
PE is aware that PE’s colleague author is no saint, but he’s no villain either. On the contrary, PE knows that the virulent attack on the said article was precipitated by jealousy and misplaced self righteousness.
Watch out for Part two, the beginning of a long lecture on morality and principles (ha, ha) for smoking, drinking, pissing and farting fifi Olu Gordon, the cocaine sniffing human dog.
Good Old Olu ... Part II
Ha, ha ha, Oh, oh oh, fambul dem,unar cam oh. PE has caused an unbearable danger! PE three-footed Fifi, and Fifi whinned, whimpered, barked, neighed,growled and grunted: Foul oh foul.
Well, good morning Professor Fifi Peepie Gordon Fart-fart Gowan. PE told you that the bashing was to come, and inshallahu, it will come until you get your senses right.
By the way, do you know what Fifi means in the Temne language? Ha, ha my boy, Fifi is an ant that has an abdomen like the head of Poorie Olumboh Gorwan, the cocaine sniffer. It exudes the most pungent smell when crushed. Ha, ha! No wonder the Fifi man farted ‘pooh’ when he was clubbed by a colleague of his.
Ha, ha, Fifi the mortal cannot tell the difference between an editor and a publisher (How can he when the man is always HIGH?). PE does not want to waste PE’s precious time on Fifi who boasts of having a Mistress Degree from the University of Everybody (ha, ha).
Fifi, Mr Chernoh Ojuku-Sesay is not the EDITOR of PE’s paper. He is of course the PROPRIETOR, FINANCIER and PUBLISHER of THE POOL Newspaper. You understand that? THE POOL does not have a NEVER-TO-RISE Acting Editor. Ojuku is therefore proud to let you know, Mr Lecturer in Ancient Whiff-Planting, that he has a well-paid staff that do the trick for him. You understand that? But how can you when your field record is little known in Freetown!( Ha, ha).
PE is again telling you that PE is not a member of SLAJ simply because when you were Secretary-General, you thought the Association was your personal property. You thwarted PE’s desire to join the noble grouping by viciously keeping the application forms. Very typical of an Ibadan MA graduate (ha ha).
Mr. Fifi Smelly-smelly Dog Ant, the die is cast. You have been writing all sorts of nasty things about PE’s boss and other innocent people (even up to Wednesday this week). PE did not bother with you because PE had and still has PE’s wits around PE.
But you see, with your mistress degree in Ancient whiff planting, you think you can write any rubbish against anybody and go scots free with it. PE has folded PE’s sleeve for the unending battle. Tell PE, Mr Fifi smelly-smelly, tell PE what is new in your press release? Is the news that Chernor Ojuku Sesay was accused of being a junta anything hidden? Only fifi Gordon didn’t know because he was busy searching for Shekito in the jungle. (ha ha).
You Fifi were the very one that wrote all sorts of nasty trash against the gentleman who was running away for his life. You were the same guy that said Ojuku was hibernating in Masiaka, so ECOMOG should go for him. Almost immediately Olu, the Ibadan academic, led a team of investigators to hunt for Ojuku (fifis are expert human hunters, ha ha)
Weren’t you the same person that hollered on Ibrahim Seaga Shaw in Senegal that he was a rebel? (the people of Dakar were bewildered as Cassamance rebels were very elusive). Fifi Olu was dismissed as a mentally deranged sub-human rebel catcher (there were too many rebels back home to arrest, ha ha!).
Weren’t you the same destroyer that preached in favour of military intervention when people like Shaw and Ojuku were preaching against that? Are you still not preaching the same thing even as the Lome Peace Accord has been signed?
Bo do yah, lef PE, Go drink en make yousef drunk as usual do yah. No, PE will never subscribe to your own brand of democracy. Never! What, Democracy with tyres and petrol? Democracy with ‘point, point’? NO! PE is a firm believer in Freedom of Expression and Association which you, Mr fifi peepie smelly-smelly Gowan does believe in.
Your being a former ‘talker’ at Mount Olympus does not shake a string of PE’s noble hair. Your degrees have nothing to do with PE as PE has his. If you went to FBC, PE went there too. If you lectured, PE taught and is still teaching (Ha, ha).
If PE is an imposter, then, sorry, Mr. Fart Fart, you are a principal coaster with your 10-ton bag of diamba always hanging loosely down your alcohol-weakened shoulders (ha ha). If PE disappeared ‘mysteriously,’ it was due to your reckless, heartless, devilish and murderous campaign to exterminate PE. You failed in that (ha ha).
What have you to tell PE, Mr Sniffer? Absolutely nothing. PE is happy that you have sought refuge in SLAJ. Perhaps that will give PE the opportunity to become a member of the noble organisation.
Ha, ha. Fifi the dog-human shit says PE is a misguided hustler, ha, ha. Fifi has finally lost his voice. He can no longer bark. Ha, ha! ‘Oh Fifi Olu Gordon, go wash yah before you tork anytin again’. You stink badly. One shower a month is not enough to wash away your usual lingering stench.
PE is waiting for the TRIBUNAL which Fifi the Dog-man wants set up. This is just the beginning, Mr.sniffer (fifi is demanding another after Jonah’s, ha ha). The battle has just begun and PE is ready for it. PE is publishing your press release, and Mr. Chernor Ojuku Sesay has kindly consented to make a few comments. Fifi smelly smelly, bye for now. Expect PE again next week.
The Pool Newspaper
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Sierra Leone, Africa.